The (Un)fairer Sex

Falling cellphones happen all the time.

Women, (i.e. me) are complex creatures.

If I was a man, I too would probably lament of how difficult, stubborn and exhaustingly contradictory my girlfriend is. Instead, I leave that privilege to A.

Case in point:

A is in the bathroom doing his business while I’m schlepping around at home, tinkering on the ‘net, flipping through magazines and tidying up the living room with Grey’s Anatomy playing in the background. I spy his cellphone innocently charging on the table.

Casually sauntering to the bathroom, I press my ear to the door. Yep, he’s going to be in there for a while. Walking back to the living room, big whoopsies! I accidentally trip over the charger wire, causing his cellphone to drop on the floor. Oh dear, how klutzy of me.

Meredith Grey is crying about how shitty her life is in the background.

I pick the phone up and flip it open to check whether it’s okay. Hmm, looks okay…hey look, messages, let’s see if his Inbox still works. Hmm. Me, me, me, his boss, me, his mother, his pervy friend, me,…..hmm. Who’s M? Six texts from this chick. Hmmm…too flirty to be work related….an invite to lunch? Drinks? A movie?!

The toilet flushes and A comes out of the bathroom. I sit glumly on the couch with my arms and legs crossed, sending out major “You’ve in for it now, Mister” vibes. However A is a man, therefore my vibes go unnoticed. A plops down on the couch and starts flicking through the channels.

“Hey, so where do you want to go for lunch?’
“Dunno.”
“Are you hungry now?”
“Dunno”
“Okay….maybe we’ll eat in?”
“Whatever.”
“Okay, well if you’re not hungry then we can always eat later….”
“Whatever.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Why would something be wrong?”
“I don’t know…cause you’re acting all weird.”
“I’m not acting like anything.”
“Okay…its just that…. you’re acting like you’re mad at me or something.”
“Is there any reason why I should be mad at you?”
“Er, not that I know of…”
“Then I guess I’m not mad at you.”
“Okay…”

Meredith is making out with McDreamy on the TV while A slowly edges to the other side of the couch.

“So, uh, what are we doing this weekend?”
“Dunno.”
“Okay. Well, er, I was thinking we could go for a dinner and a movie with my friend from Uni, M and her boyfriend on Saturday night. I was thinking about how you said I don’t see my friends enough, and I haven’t seen her in ages, so I booked tickets for all us for Harry Potter at The Curve…”
“Oh….really?”
“Er, yeah. But if you don’t want to go then it’s okay…ill just tell her we’ll meet another time…”
“Um..no, no. It’s okay, let’s go.”
“Are you sure? Cause if you don’t want to…”
“Yeah, sure, sure, I’d love to meet M!”
Okay…well, then, if you’re sure, ill text her.”

A walks over to retrieve his phone from the table.

“Hey, did my phone fall just now? My Inbox is open.”
“Er, yeah I think I accidentally dropped it, anyways, so I’m like totally starving now, do you want me to cook? Or we can go out? Maybe take-away? How about pizza? Or I can whip something up in the kitchen, whatever you like…”
“Uh..yeah, sure, whatever.”

A scratches his head, trying to figure out his cellphone, and his girlfriend.

You see, women are complex creatures because we understand that what we don’t know can’t hurt us. But when we find out, we’ll sure as hell make sure we make him hurt. Even if we’re completely off-track.

And that’s the charm of us.

Specially dedicated to A who puts up with all my shit.