Scrambled Eggs For Dinner (or, Comfort Food When You’re Feeling Crap)

Ingredients:

• 1 really stressful day at work
• 3 large eggs – 1 dropped on the floor , 2 for the recipe
• 1 swig of milk directly from the carton (for you, not the recipe)
• 2 tsp of cream cheese
• 1 good cry alone in the kitchen
• Enough butter to make you feel better
• Pinch of salt
• 2 slices of bread – 1 wholemeal and 1 white, because the wholemeal loaf ran out
• Pepper as you please

Directions:

1. Crack eggs into a bowl.
2. Whip it; like Devo says, whip it good.
3. Add salt and cream cheese. Refrain from licking cream cheese from your fingers.
4. Look for the smallest saucepan or pot you can find in your kitchen.
5. Get the fire going on a really low flame.
6. Turn on the radio for some background cooking music.
7. Toss butter into the pot, and let it melt.
8. Sing along to Britney, boy don’t try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are.
9. Pour egg mixture into pot.
10. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon to prevent eggs from sticking to the bottom. Make sure the heat is low so the eggs don’t cook too fast.
11. Remind self that patience is a virtue / all good things come to those who wait.
12. Stir, baby, stir.

13. Eggs are done when they turn into a silky, loose curd-ish texture the color of sunshine. That’s right, Sunshine, fuckers.
14. Ease scrambled eggs onto a plate, sprinkle with black pepper. Serve with buttered mismatched toast and a puddle of ketchup.
15. Curl up on couch, tuck worries away, and eat while watching Grey’s Anatomy re-runs.